A Connection With Self.

For many many years I felt disconnected from who I really was.

There was this constant tug inside me, A constant ache and unsettledness I felt, This constant wish of wanting to be more of something, more of a person who knew who she was. But I had no idea on what I had to do, if there was anything I could do.

Most part I thought maybe this is just how it is, this is just life, this is just me. But at the same time, I also had the knowing and the feeling of what I was like as a child, growing up, Happy, creative & loved people. And thinking how great it would be to enjoy that feeling again.

My life choices threw me into a state of disconnect with myself. When I began to read books and observe those I admired, I could see the possibilities within me again. It was up to me to start untangling all that I had got twisted up in.

I thought it would be a straight road of do this, this and this and all would be well. But instead it was a maze, A few steps forward, a few back, u-turns, cross-roads, Trying to find my way back home to self. I thought if only I could just make it back home, the final destination, I would be good, happy, content. But what I've learnt is there is no final stop, the final stop is the day you leave this earth.

There's been frustrations, anger, sadness, loneliness, confusion, But there's also been, excitement, happy tears, joy, love and a whole lotta opening up in my mind, my heart, my soul.

At 40 I feel more connected to myself than I have ever done and it will continue. Age may play a part in it sure, but I believe it has a lot on how much time and care you give to yourself also.

There are days I become disconnected with myself, and to be honest I don't enjoy who I am in those moments, But I've also learnt to go easy on myself, to not be hard on myself in those days. I know how to reconnect with myself, it's just up to me to make sure I create the space to do so. When I'm connected with self, I feel lighter, I move more, I let the shit that really doesn't matter fall away easier, I can be with only myself and not feel alone and I do things that feel good and right for me.

Disconnect with self brings stress, unease, rushing, pushing, worrying, overwhelm. And it doesn't need to be like this for you or for anyone. Learning to connect into yourself is important for you, for your health and for those close to you.

We are all looking for connection with other people, to feel more connected with family, friends, a partner, and this all, it's great, to feel apart of something, to be apart of something. But feeling a true connection with self, in who you are, will make those connections with others stronger, healthier, you'll enjoy life, people, your surroundings even more so.

Getting connected with myself has meant I can speak the words 'I love you', 'I'm sorry', 'Thank you', 'I forgive you' a whole lot easier to those who are important to me and also to those who are no longer in my life.

Getting connected with myself see's me valuing my time more and choosing what's right for me in each moment. I believe it is one of the best gifts you could give yourself. To honour, respect & love yourself enough to get to know yourself as best you can and to continue to do so.

Your life is important, You are important, You are beautiful in your own way, And you really do deserve to experience and feel that connection with self.

Don't be afraid to open up...the chaos & harmony of it all....it's a beautiful feeling.