ALONE AT THE TABLE

This is me (obviously)

And I'm good...genuinely really good actually,

However I wanted to share a little something with you, because I made a promise to myself that I would share things that came to me, incase someone else needed to hear these messages.

I've just sat down for some dinner...as you do.

And something come up inside me again,

Some days I notice it, others days I don't, but tonight I did.

It's a feeling I remember having at the dinner table many years ago, when it was just my daughter Summa & I.

I became aware that I'm sitting here alone, again.

Like I said, I'm good...really good, in a space within me that is the best I've felt...but it doesn't mean I don't notice & feel these things in life.

People often say to me...

"You're so lucky you get a break from your kids, it must be amazing"

Sure, yes it's great to have some time out, as parents we all do need that from time to time. I still feel that way some days too.

However I would prefer to have my kids with me every night, along with all the madness that it comes with and get a break from time to time.

Yet to have my table filled every night with those I love is something I do miss and will always miss on days.

People say to me...

"At least you can make all the decisions on your own and don't have a partner to question you, so much more easier"

Sure, yes it is great to make decisions of my own, and I'm great at making decisions. And yes it's great to be able to have your own individual space to do the things you love.

However, I would love to experience and share life with another, and to have adult conversations on the daily (haha ok I know, maybe just listen to me ramble on)

Yet self decisions & personal interests can still be done in a partnership too.

I'm not writing this for comments, for validation, for sympathy at all.

I'm writing this to those who sit at the table at nights on their own too,

Be it one, two, three nights every week,

Be it every night,

To say that, on these nights when I become aware that it is just me sitting here at the table,

That I think of you.

Not individually, but as a group of individuals who sit on their own.

Be it to the parent who sits with only their children and no adult to speak with.

Be it to the elderly who's life long partner has passed.

Be it to the widow of any age.

Be it to the person whose partner travels a lot.

Be it to the person who has separated and has no children of their own.

Be it to the person who is still waiting for their life partner to arrive.

I think of you.

And know, that in those moments that you become aware of it,

That you are not alone.

I, myself have come to acceptance of where I'm at.

My awareness of an empty home on some nights, only pops up every now and then now as my life is filled with so much of what I love to do and the way I can be within myself.

I love life, I have fun with life,

But just as many, there are still moments of missing my people.

Some of us (like myself) have made these choices to live this way,

Others have not.

However, no matter what brought each of us to our table,

There are feelings & emotions that come with it.

I believe and I trust, that time alone brings a strength that sometimes can't be explained in words.

However, as humans we were born to be a part of others too.

So if you sit at your table tonight on your own.

I'm thinking of you.

Much love

Char x

P.S If you have people at your table...look up, see them, notice them, acknowledge them - it really makes a difference.