I'm not the same person...

I’m always looking to go deeper into finding out more about who I am. Something I fought with for so long, Because I just didn’t want to see and feel the hard side of things, Holding my mask up to my face and showing that everything was ok, That I was tickidy boo, When really it wasn’t. I also fought it for so long and didn’t share anything, Because of what people would think. Yet what I’ve found is that many people are wanting to go deeper, And so I share incase someone needs to hear it too. It’s not for everyone, I know that, But oh how I wish for everyone to dig a little deeper to see themselves a little more. I’m not afraid to unravel things about myself, to go deep, Actually, I lie…it scares the shit out of me sometimes, Because I don’t always enjoy what I reveal and the feelings I need to work through, But I’m ok to go there, Because when I do, when I find more out about myself, I know there is always a positive that will come of it. I’m not the same person I was 20 years ago, 10 years ago, 5, 2 years ago, Damn I’m not the same person I was 2 weeks ago, Why? Because I’m working through new things all the time. I’m learning more about myself, My abilities, My courage, My strength, My weaknesses, My triggers, My boundaries more now than I ever have. I do this so I can have better relationships with my kids & my family, So I can go into an intimate relationship again one day with love, appreciation, support & passion So I can learn to move through things faster, And so I can live a life that is true for me. I’ve always been in a relationship, So this is the first time that I’ve been on my own for so long. And it hasn’t always been easy, trust me. Yet using this time to really concentrate on me has been the biggest and scariest growth that I’ve been through. However, the more I work on something the easier it does become, To the point it becomes the new normal. I’m forever re-calibrating. Life isn’t always fun and happy, And it isn’t always doom and gloom, It’s a beautiful mixture of both.