I WILL NEVER BE TAMED

The point came when I was just done, done with being serious, done with putting on different masks, done with reducing myself to feeling numb by not playing in the ways I knew in my heart I wanted and needed to. I was over thinking I needed to be a certain way around certain people or all people. As a mum of four there was a time I felt I had a roll to play and it had to look like this, this and this...the way I saw others doing it, yet it also didn't feel right for me in so many ways. And so I pulled the safty cord, but not all the way, just a little, to test the waters...and it felt freaking amazing. So I pulled it a little more and I've been pulling it gradually ever since. Allowing myself to recalibrate at each space I put myself into. I realised to be the best Mum I could possibly be for my kids, it was important for me to be able to turn up daily and push myself, challenge myself to find out all I was silencing myself on. All that fed me. Because how I show up in life is how I want to see my kids showing up in life for themselves. I realised the relationship I have with myself, will be the relationship they have with themselves. I realised the relationship I have with others, what I accept and don't accept is how they too will see it for themselves also. I realised the more I opened myself up to feeding my souls desires, they get to see that it's ok that they too do the same for themselves, in their way. So as well as being a Mum, a daughter, a sister, a friend...shit I'm also Charmaine, an individual with dreams, with persoanlity, with character, with passion, with creative juices that want to flow on the daily. Both my feminine and masucaline energy that run through my veins has a place in my world now, they are both accepted and utilised in the moments that are required. My mind is cared for just as much, if not more, than my body. My body is one that allows me to move freely through my life in ways it has always wanted to, as for so long, I'd lost the knowing of how. My reserved side has it's place, as does my social side and I enjoy both these parts of me. I'm calm and I'm fire, both unable to mask even if I tried, My voice was given to me to be used, to speak my truth, to mend my wrong doings and to express my love, My ears to listen, My arms to hug and hold. And while I continue to walk my path and explore all there this to explore, I also carry a pack on my shoulder... The pack that includes fear, insecurities, nerves, anixity, judgement, comparison, not enoughness, words of negavitity etc. All that silly goodness that never goes away completely. But all the things that I continue to learn to accept as part of me but that doesn't get to control me for life. This year I will reach 42...holy shit haha But each year just get's better internally for me. They say it comes with age, but it doesn't need to be. It comes down to making a decision for yourself in the end. I am an expressive being and I will never be tamed, for those who are tamed can not breathe freely. The more free I become within myself, the more I have to give to what I care for and to those I care about. Does any of this feel fimilar to you? Like you're having to wear different masks depending on who you speak to, You're consantly in a state of feeling tired and drained, hoping tomorrow will be better, The words 'This is just how life is' rolls off your tounge more often than you wish for. I get it, I totally get it... But it get's to be different in so many ways. Want to see how working together one-on-one would work for you. Flick me a message and let's arrange a time for a quick chat.