RETURN BACK....THAT PART OF YOU IS WAITING.

When returning back to you it doesn't come in one hit, it comes in little by little, bit by bit, as you allow yourself to get closer and closer to who you know you're meant to be, and who you were always meant to be.

If the world was so called 'perfect', if we were given everything we ever needed, chose everything that was ever so right for us, given the conditions that only allowed us to thrive - then we would be a certain way, a certain person. But the world is not always like that, life is not always like that. Life grants both challenges and wins and it's the challenges that allow us to appreciate on a deeper level, understand life, people and ourselves in a way that really get's to the core. And we are all given different levels of challenges, which again depends on many different things.

But that person who you know is you at your core,

That person who you know deep down, you were meant to be,

You can feel her/him,

You can sense her/him,

That's who you're meant to return to, before everything else got in the way.

For me I was always meant to be a Mum.

I knew from a young age, being a Mum and raising a family was important to me and I was gifted my first daughter while I was still young.

Being a Mum came naturally to me - this doesn't mean it was easy, but I just knew what to do. Over the years, many have said to me that being a teenage Mum must have been hard, scary, not sure what to do. But that was never the case for me - not with her, my baby, that was all natural to me and no part of raising her felt scary, I always just trusted and followed what felt right, and in many cases doing it differently to how others did parenting.

But what was hard, wasn't being a mum, it was the outside world, with their comments, judgement, expectations, lack of support and not seeing the blessing of becoming a mum, the blessing that any child brings to a family...that was hard and it rippled into other areas of life.

For 10 years I raised her mostly on my own, and I was proud of the daughter I was raising. At the same time as trying to undo so much of who people thought I was and who I thought I needed to be. Other areas of my life needed a lot of work. There was mess that needed cleaning up that couldn't all be done at once...so when I'd clear up one area, mess still was present in others. There were times I thought I was bringing good into our world, when really it was just more mess to clean up. There were times where I was being pulled away from being the Mum I knew I was, that I was born to be, like a tag-o-war and that hurt and was confusing. It wasn't what I wanted, but somehow I created it.

I had to sharpen my discernment. I had to give space to clean up. I had to pause so I could see and hear differently. I had to become indifferent in some cases. 28 years of being a Mum, four amazing kids, 20 years of parenting on my own. It's not the picture I dreamed of, but I have returned to being the Mum I know I am and making the most of what we have and giving it my best shot. I know nothing can pull me from this part of me now, I know what's required of me now for them, for us. It may be different to some, but how I measure it is through the relationships I have with my kids, in the conversations we have, in how they treat others & in the home we've created. I no longer call myself a solo mum, I'm simply a Mum, just like all mums. And being a Mum is something I'm good at, something I'm proud of. (again it's not always plain sailing or easy, but every part of it is worth it)

So what is it for you?

Who do you know you were always meant to be?

Start returning to being that person.

And be proud of that part of you...own it.

You don't need to fall into who you think you should be or how others speak of it being.

Find the way that sit well for you.

And go be more of her/him.

(PS: my younger kids don't like photos being shared of them hence the smiley faces)

This is my family and for that I count myself lucky.