KNOW WHAT'S YOURS...AND WHAT ISN'T

There was a good chunk of my life where I allowed all those who stood around me to effect me and my emotions. I let their emotions become my own, when really they weren't mine - AT ALL. I was just taking it all on as my own. Wanting, wishing for them to not feel the way they did. Conflict was a big one for me, seeing others - especially those close to me, be in conflict. I just wanted it to stop. All I wanted was for everyone to be happy, all the time...because I wanted to be happy and their conflict, their emotions, I felt - stood in my way & didn't make me feel good or happy. And in those moments I'd do my best to try and smooth it all out for them, Get involved, put my 2 cents in...when it had zero to do with me. I remember one day when my teenager (at the time) and partner (at the time) where having a discussion and they were butting heads (haha which anyone who has ever parented teenagers will know it can be a regular thing for a period of time). All the feels inside me were rising. Wanting it all to stop. Wanting to be the supportive partner & mum all at the same time. Seeing two people I cared about not getting on in that moment, I hated it. I took on all their emotions, not trusting that they could sort it out for themselves...I had to try and do it for them. And guess what happened...they got it all out, said all they had to say, then moved on from it. - Over & done. Me on the other hand, held onto it all. I grabbed hold of both their emotions, their words, and held it close, so close that I stayed frustrated and annoyed while they happily carried on. When I became aware of what I was doing, how it was making me feel, it was then that I was able to try something different. To learn to step away from others conflict & emotions and to not try and fix it for them. To trust that they will do & say all they need to, and what ever comes of it is what had to happen. I learnt to just hold space in those moments, instead of butting in. To trust that they will learn more if I took a step back. Learning to separate myself from others emotions has been a challenging one for me. To know when it's not mine and to let it just be theirs. To not take it away from them or save them and try and make it all right again - only they can do that. I'm only responsible for my own emotions and being able to sit with mine (only) and let others sit with theirs. When we try to fix, try to sooth, try to make things right for others, we are doing them a disservice. We are saying to them (without words) that we don't trust that they have it in them, that they aren't equipped to support themselves, that they're not capable for learning and working through it themselves. When in actual fact - they are, we all are. And the more we allow ourselves to step back, the stronger they become, the more emotionally equipped they become also. It's not easy to sit and watch those close to you, those you love, hurt, be in conflict, feel pain, frustration, struggle etc...it's not easy at all, but you are doing them a huge favour by allowing them to shift through their emotions on their own, allowing them to pick themselves up, this only strengthens them and allows them to figure it out on what it is they need for themselves. And if/when they need someone to talk with, you are right there for them, with them, to listen, in a more supportive way all because you haven't taken it on as your own stuff. Take a step back, Separate yourself, Know what is yours and what isn't yours, And trust that they have it within them, to strengthen themselves emotionally. And so do you.