LET GO AND FEEL...

Over the last couple of months I have cried more than I would like to admit. I've been going through some big shifts lately as you may know. I've been letting some big things go, such as the idea of how I've always seen my photography business, and for the idea of it all to change simply because I am clear of what I truly deeply want to do with my work now...it's still been really hard to let go of what I thought would play out. Some may say, it's just photography, but the thing is this has been my baby forever, it's what I've been nurturing, building for as long as I can remember. It's what I've spent every spare moment on. I've also cried over a certain person damn it, I've again had to let go of any ideas of what I wanted and walk away. It's funny though, as these two changes all came about at exactly the same time. One lead to the other...I had to let go of two things I quite liked because it just no longer was a fit. You can still like something or someone, but it doesn't mean it's right for you. You'll know. You see I'm not really a cryer, so I've been making up for it I guess. None of this load ugly cry stuff, just out of the blue tears falling, no noise, no signs, just coming out of nowhere, anytime they want to turn up. Usually if I'm upset, I wear my suit of armour - ya no the type, the hard shall to protect myself, ready to defend myself, my own silence can be deafening, even to me, it's what I've always felt I've had to do...stay strong, that I've got this, I'll handle this, but strong, that I am not at times and its something Im getting use to...learning to really feel all the emotions and allowing them to just be. It's also easy to slap on a smile, throw up a happy photo and sugar coat the shit out of things, but that does zero for you. During this time I've felt insecure within myself, am I enough, ha what's wrong with me, an emotion that has shown up many times in my life, slapped me in the face once again, giving me another chance to look at it, then flip the birdie at that emotion one last time. Thing is, we can do all the work on ourselves, strengthen ourselves, our minds, put boundaries in place, take care of ourselves in ways that work for us...but this all doesn't mean you will never experience shit again in your life, that people wont' always treat you the way you deserve to be treated, or have the same values as you do, that life will be beautiful and set every day. Just look at the lines of a heartbeat, up and down always...this is life....up and down...always. However what working on yourself does mean, it means you will acknowledge and recognise what is right or wrong for you quicker. You will be able to move through things a lot quicker, You will look at things differently and come up with solutions, You will be able to keep moving even when you are thrown a curveball or two or three, You will be able to understand and get clear on which way is right for you to head...even if part of you wants to just keep trying to make it work. You will be able to walk away from things that you may like, with love and grace because sometimes you just have to. So all though these last couple of months have been a little more emotionally challenging for me, what I do know is that by letting these things go, it has already opened up other things for me. I've simply just made space for better things. It's allowed me to get so clear on what I want and I've been able to take action on and put my energy into the things that are right for me. So if you're like me (to the men or women out there) wearing a suit of armour, let me tell you that it's ok to drop it. You can still have your own back in these moments however when I've allowed myself to drop the shield, I've allowed others into my space to see another side of me, my softer side, my vulnerable side and to allow help when I've needed it and to know that it's ok to not try and be strong all the time. Trying to be strong all the time, is exhausting. Letting go is liberating (kinda haha) or more so, freeing. This is also true on the flip side. When someone opens up to you, shows their vulnerability, this gives space for more connection, more understanding, more compassion. It gives everyone a chance to look at solutions and ways to grow from what feels challenging in those moments. Do yourself a favour, allow yourself to let go and feel.