To The Single Parent.

A MESSAGE FOR SINGLE PARENTS....

Lately some things have shown up for me which has been a huge reminder to own who I am. Others tone of voice, questions asked, the look in their eyes, Have made me feel less of who I am, BUT only because I have allowed them to make me feel this way. I have reacted and made up stories in my head of what their tone, questions & looks mean about me. I’ve made it all about me, Instead of just owning my space, acknowledging myself and letting their deals be about them.

I’m not looking for sympathy, encouragement or even hasty words towards others in this post, Just simply sharing my experience and lessons for those that it speaks to.

As many of you know I’m a solo mum of four children and my grandson. I Include them all, because we all live under the same roof - it’s a full house I’ll tell ya 

And I feel responsible for them all - I feel that feeling will never go away no matter the age of your kids.

Lately I’ve been inquiring for something more for my family,
 because I believe we deserve it and frankly it’s just something I want. However those who I’ve had to inquire through have made me feel less deserving of it. (Again, I've allowed them to make me feel this way) Their questions, the tone of their voice, their constant non-replys to my messages, As soon as they learn that I’m a solo Mum.

I know from past experience that many people have their own view of solo parents, Some supportive, some not so much. It’s the broken family, solo-parenting view that I’ve heard many times in conversations throughout the years.

Now here’s the thing…the lesson….yeap always a lesson. I HAVE NOT BEING OWNING MYSELF AS A MUM.

I learnt this the other weekend on a girls weekend away, when one of them said, Freaken own that shit. You are not a solo/single mum, YOU ARE A MUM…end of story.

So over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking about those words and what it all means to me as a Mum to my kids.

Yes I am a Mum who is single - I am co-parenting with their Dad. However…And I want every other Mum or Dad who is doing it alone to hear this.

You are not a broken family. You are not a Solo Mum or Solo Dad, you are a Mum or you are a Dad.

You are teaching your kids that life is too short to put up with a life that is not fulfilling for you.

You are teaching your kids what it’s like to love and respect yourself enough to walk away from something that no longer works - no matter how hard it can be or how hard you may have tried to make it work.

You are teaching your kids to not settle for what looks good to the world, but instead choosing what’s right for you and them and to trust there is more for you.

You are teaching your kids that a home filled with love and happiness (most of the time) is better than a home filled with disconnect, no love & resentment.

You are choosing more for yourself which in turn teaches your kids to choose for themselves too.

You are teaching your kids what courage looks like and how to get through challenging times.

I know that this life of yours is not the one you had planned when you got married or had kids. And for some becoming the sole parent came about in other heartbreaking ways. Life doesn’t always play out how we had imagined it to be, But please, don’t beat yourself up for it. You and your kids will learn valuable lessons through all experiences, Trying to protect them of everything bad doesn’t necessarily mean it’s in their best interest.

I admire those relationships, those families who have been able to stay together, I think it’s beautiful and wonderful and inspiring. And I also believe in doing all you can to keep your family together and bring back that love & support for each other. I also know it is easier to have two pairs of hands as opposed to one pair, However I also believe that to live with contentment within oneself is healthier for our children. So trust that your life has taken another path because that's just the way it was meant to be.

This is a shout out to all you Mums & Dads parenting alone, It’s not easy but you are doing the absolute best with what you have. Be open and trust that you are deserving of so much more and that great things will come your way again.