WHAT'S YOUR COPING MECHANISM?

When my heart feels pain my coping mechanism is to throw on my suit of amor. It holds me tall and tight, holding everything in. I'm at my calmest, with very few words, yet inside of me I'm screaming and I have one focus...to get myself to a safe place...home, away from people. I let very few see me shrink into vulnerability. Most people don't know how to be around me in these moments because I put a energetic wall between me and them, my energy makes people back off from me. And so I've learnt over time how to support myself in these moments, it took so long to learn how to support myself as I used to hold on to things for weeks on end. Now I can soften again within hours. I've learnt to hold and sooth myself, I let all my screaming out in my journal and then I sit and then I dance. And over time I soften, my heart softens, I can think again and I can let it go. There are times it's good to be by yourself to process, to work through things, but I've also realised it's healthy to let people in during those times too. Yet I've found very few people can hold me when I'm in that space. They don't know what to do with me and so they do nothing. I understand it's not easy, it can be intense, I know this, I feels this. But I have a friend who knows how to hold me in those moments. Who doesn't back away, but steps forward towards me even though all of me is pushing them away. My friend isn't afraid of my hard shell and knows it's not really what I want deep down. They give me the space to breathe, reaches out in the moment letting me know they're there when I'm ready and want to talk (or not talk) and continues to check in and suggest outings to get up and move again. It took a bit to accept this support, it felt uncomfortable and I didn't want to be a burden on someone, but over time they've been able to break down my suit of amor, sometimes before I've been able to do it for myself, simply because I let them in, in the moment of pain. We all have our own ways of coping and when we can take a birds eye view of how we deal with things and come to an understanding for ourselves on what it is we really want and need in those moments the next step is to learn to ask for the support we require or accept the support when someone you trust reaches out. Become aware of your coping mechanism and then go deeper and ask yourself what you really wish for in that moment. Give what you need to yourself as much as you possibly can but also ask it from others too. Often what we tell people what we want in the moment, isn't really what we want. Most people deep down want someone to be able to also hold them in that moment, to have their back and be their safe place.